Sucky day

Saturday was not a good day. It started with the kids. On a school day, I can't drag those boys out of bed before 7am. On a freakin' weekend, when I want to sleep in, they're up at 6:15, playing loudly & waking the baby up.

Manage to get them ready & get them to complete their chores before their dad picks them up. The day seemed to get better. Got my groceries. The baby's in a pretty good mood. Hubby comes home from his job interview & errands.

So, he asks me to go go with him to Home Depot. OK, I'm game. Was fine at first. Walking around, getting the stuff he needs, looking at home improvement ideas. But....then I start getting a little blue, thinking about the things I would like to do to fix up my home but can't afford to do. Meanwhile, he's having a blast just walking all around Home Depot & the baby & I are getting tired -- she's due for a nap & so is mommy. So R looks at me & says, "smile". I let him know that I'm getting tired & I need to get home so I can get some sleep before I have to go to work. His response? "I only have weekends to do stuff & all you want to do is sleep!" Excuse me?!?! What, like you think I can stay up all damn day then go into work & work a 12 hr shift?!?! WTF?!?! So, we ended up driving home in silence, completely pissed off with each other.

Why is that he seems to think I don't need to sleep? I feel like he has no respect for my needs sometimes. Most of the time he is so good to me, so sweet & loving. But then there are the times -- like when it comes to my need to get a little shut eye every now & then -- that he is completely selfish & clueless!

Then I started thinking about that, and other crap, like the bills & how I never have enough money. By the time I crawled into bed, I was thoroughly depressed & wished I could just crawl in a hole & die. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I felt a little better when I woke up. But I'm still not quite right. There's still this cloud hanging over my head.

I hate this feeling....

Not sure about this....

Needed a place to put my thoughts. There's just too many of them swimming around in my head. Used to write them down in a "journal". But my husband likes to read it. So it's not very private. This isn't either, really but at least there is some anonymity to it. So, I figure I'll try it and see what happens.